Stuck on Phonics
Posted by Mimi on October 7th, 2012 filed in Humor, ParentingComment now »
I am discovering my son’s lack of work ethic when it comes to things he is less interested in learning.
I recently started teaching him to read. He is actually pretty good at it. However, he invests a lot of time and energy into NOT having to read his book each night. He is amazingly creative with his excuses.
His latest attempt to avoid reading? Earlier today, he glued all the pages of his book together (he gets points for pre-planning his procrastination). This plan clearly took more time and effort than actually reading the book.
I got the last laugh when I told him he could have a smoothie after he finished reading his book.
Airplane Mode
Posted by Mimi on August 19th, 2012 filed in Humor, ParentingComment now »
You know how airplanes are super noisy, so you have to talk loudly so others can hear you over the roar of the engines?
Well, we were on a flight the other day. During a rough and noisy take-off, Cooper yelled out “This bumpy airplane is making my penis HAPPY!”
Laughter all around.
Then Dave blurts out “Can I trade seats with him?”
<sigh>
Dogs and Old People
Posted by Mimi on August 2nd, 2012 filed in Humor, ParentingComment now »
Today I asked Cooper to put his wilted banana peel in the garbage.
With enthusiasm and hand gestures he informed me “ONLY DOGS CLEAN UP, NOT OLD PEOPLE!”
Who knew? According to his clean up protest the other day, I guess these dogs live in the projects.
The Projects
Posted by Mimi on August 1st, 2012 filed in Humor, ParentingComment now »
The other day I told Cooper to clean up his toys. He put his hands on his hips and said authoritatively: “you only clean up in the projects”.
Where does he get this stuff?
Formal Rock
Posted by Mimi on July 31st, 2012 filed in Humor, MILComment now »
There are misheard lyrics and then there are just plain old “I am clueless” lyrics. I just witnessed the second kind.
I just had the occasion to drive my son and mother-in-law back from swim lessons. My son pretty much demands that we listen to QUEEN during our drive to and from the pool. From the backseat, my MIL begins belting out her own lyrics in a somewhat operatic style: “We SHALL, we SHALL, rock you!”
Yep. We sing QUEEN lyrics. She sings QUEEN OF ENGLAND lyrics.
You Like WHAT?
Posted by Mimi on May 21st, 2012 filed in Humor, ParentingComment now »
Does it make me a bad mother that I don’t correct Cooper when he mispronounces Spaghetti-O’s as “Scabby-hoes”?
Take Me Out to The Ball Game
Posted by Mimi on March 26th, 2012 filed in Adventure, Humor, ParentingComment now »
The Wee One has started T-ball, so we are welcoming a new and exciting era of parenthood.
If you have never been to a T-Ball game, imagine trying to get twenty drunk hamsters to do tricks on a field, and you will have some idea of the chaos and confusion that goes on during one of these games.
So far we have been to one practice and one game. During these 2 hours we have seen tears, butt scratching, mass confusion, and booger picking. During the game, the coach’s kid was busy posing in the sun and watching his shadow on the ground below, while another kid walked directly through the field to the bleachers and asked his mom through the fence “Mom, why did you sign me up for this?” (This is the same kid who last week insisted he talk to his mother in the middle of practice because it was “an emergency.” After tromping through the mud across the field, he asked her “Can I get a sword? I really like them.”) Another outfielder laid down on the ground to stare up at the clouds while my child played with his hat, and another child played in the dirt.
At the game, NOT ONE child knew to run to first base after hitting the ball. My son ran toward the mound. Later he ran from first base to the infield, then to the outfield, just zig-zagging along until the OTHER TEAM’S coach pointed to second base.
No one really catches the balls–they just wait for balls to land and stop rolling. Then, two or three kids will stare at it until one brave child picks it up and throws it in any direction or no direction, as if it has thorns.
In a word, it is fantastic.
The night of the first game, Coop crawled in bed to give me a kiss goodnight. I told him how much I had enjoyed watching him play T-Ball and asked him to tell me his favorite part of the day.
“We had hot dogs and buns!”
I Think We Know Which List He’s On
Posted by Mimi on December 24th, 2011 filed in Humor, Life, ParentingComment now »
Twas two weeks before Christmas, when throughout our lovely abode,
All were sleeping, while wee-one filled the dishwasher with an odd load.
The dishes had been placed in the dishwasher with care,
Then topped off with stuff, until not a spot was bare.
His Mom and Dad were nestled all snug in our bed,
While visions of peace and solitude danced in our heads.
Then down in the kitchen there arose such a clatter,
Dave sprang from our bed to see what was the matter.
To the top of the stairs I flew like a flash,
Then down to the kitchen to see it was TRASHED!
As I blinked to bring my eyes into focus,
I was surprised at whose antics had woke us.
I gazed at the appliance that now held an odd kind of soup,
I knew in a moment the chef was named “Coop”
He named each item aloud, and in the dishwasher they went,
All of his prized ingredients.
“In Oven Mitts, in Apples, and Bananas, in Office Supplies!”
“In Home Phone, and Cell Phone”, I heard his excited cries.
“Now Medical Gloves and Tubing, Spices still stuck in the Spice Rack!”
Then in went Garlic Powder, and the container, and he didn’t look back.
Lots of Organic Cocoa, some Powdered Green Drink and their containers, sprinkled near and far,
The canister of flour, the sprinkled Pepper (and of course, its jar).
In went some important papers, a bottle of hand soap– actually, two.
Then a large bottle of dish-washing soap was tossed in on cue.
A Baseball display case: in the bloated appliance it went!
Finally, he pushed the start button to complete his naughty experiment.
We rounded the corner and he knew he had been caught,
but not before he terrorized our beloved coffee pot!
(for pics, scroll all the way down, ignoring the odd spaces between them)
3 oven mitts
Box of medical gloves (almost full)
Pens
Hi-lighters
Brand new LARGE bottle of garlic powder
Garlic powder container
Pepper
Pepper Container
Huge canister of Organic cocoa (about 1 1/2 pounds)
Cocoa container
Green Vibrance powdered green drink
Green Vibrance container
Spice rack with three spices still inside
3 large Apples
2 Bananas
Paper with important phone #s
House phone
Cell phone
Flour container
Dish soap bottle (filled)
2 Hand soap containers (filled)
Medical tubing
Baseball display case
Possibly more, it was 4:30am
Art Imitating Life
Posted by Mimi on November 12th, 2011 filed in Humor, Lyme, Rant, UncategorizedComment now »
You all know my story: I contracted Lyme, no doctor would take me seriously, and phrases such as “you don’t have Lyme,” (despite a VERY HIGH POSITIVE test that my doctor was required to report to the Center for Disease Control) and “Lyme doesn’t exist in Texas” were spouted out by numerous docs. The first “Lyme Literate” doctor to treat me was pressured to shut down his offices. He was a doctor for 35 years before he started treating Lyme patients. One year later he was closed. Gone.
Despite the fact that my state has high numbers of Lyme in animals, human doctors still won’t admit to the basic truth: Lyme exists in Texas, the ticks can’t read a map.
Because I wasn’t treated immediately, I now have “Chronic Lyme,” another thing which docs don’t believe exists. I have suffered physically agony and disability because of doctors’ and insurance companies’ arrogance, stupidity, and greed.
Apparently, however, doctor arrogance isn’t just a problem here, as this clever animation artist depicts an experience amazingly similar to mine.
Doctors expect us to believe that Lyme diseased ticks and other biting insects just simply do not exist in Texas (a near perfect environment for them, incidentally), and that our animals that have Lyme must have vacationed in Connecticut recently, or possibly that Texans have different blood than people from other states, or ticks are scared to cross the state line into Texas (it must be our strict border patrol).
Amazingly, they spout off statements such as “Lyme disease doesn’t exist in Texas,” yet they chastise you for making a statement such as “I have Lyme disease,” even while you are holding a positive Lyme test in your hand.
Either way, I won’t put my faith in a person who make such an ignorant statement.
The Devil is in the Details
Posted by Mimi on September 19th, 2011 filed in Battle of the Sexes, Life, RantComment now »
Pat Robertson believes that Gay Marriage is wrong, immoral, and is the “beginning in a long downward slide.” According to him, if we support Gays it will lead to God destroying America. He states that every civilization who has ever supported homosexuality or has turned away from traditional marriage was destroyed.
Interesting.
Just recently, when someone wrote to him about a friend whose wife has Alzheimer’s, Robertson suggested the man divorce his wife and “start all over.” When confronted about the whole “’til death do us part’” clause in most wedding vows, his response was to point out that Alzheimer’s is a “kind of death.”
He is a “kind of ” hypocritical dick.
I have written new vows that seem more in line with his thinking about traditional marriages:
I take you to be my wedded wife. To have and to hold (when I want you, and to discard when things don’t go as planned), from this day forward (or until a day in the future which I deem the end of our marriage), for better, (but not) for worse, for richer, for poorer (you agree to no more than a 5% decrease in annual earnings), in (brief) sickness or in health, to love and to cherish ’til death do us part (or things that are not actually death, but I reserve the right to call a “kind of” death after which I will dump you off at the nursing home and “start all over”). And hereto I pledge you my faithfulness (some restrictions apply).
Now, don’t misunderstand me. I am not judging people for ending marriages for reasons they felt appropriate or safe. I believe most divorces only come about after people have worked hard at saving the marriage.
I just can’t get over the hypocrisy of him saying that God will destroy us if we turn against traditional marriage and allow gay people to wed, but it is perfectly okay for non-gay people to get married and bail out when our partner gets sick. Isn’t that turning away from our wedding vows and traditional marriage?
This isn’t about the sanctity of marriage. It is about not wanting to give rights to another group to enjoy something that we haven’t even figured out yet.