Don’t Sit So Close To the Television

Children are born into this world innocent and precious and completely trusting. And what do we do? We can’t wait to scare them with crazy shit like “If you swallow a watermelon seed, one will grow in your tummy.” Or, “if you swallow gum it will stick to your ribs for seven years.” I especially appreciate the attention to detail regarding the gum’s location and exact amount of time it remains in your system.

Sometimes our lies are intended to manipulate our child’s behavior, such as “if you don’t clean your ears, you will grow a potato in there,” and “don’t swim for at least 30 minutes after eating or you will get cramps”. And, you shouldn’t eat cookie dough because it will give you worms. For Heaven’s sake, don’t cross your eyes or they will get stuck that way (especially if someone hits you on the back while they are crossed). And, shall we mention which activity will make you go blind AND have hairy palms?

I will never tell Cooper these whoppers in order to scare him or manipulate him. Though truthfully, the whole Santa thing is tempting– and the Easter Bunny. . . oh yeah, and the tooth fairy. Hmmm. . . maybe just a few fibs are okay?