Illogical Logic

I’ve been going for a new treatment twice a week — it is actually helping quite a bit, which is good because it isn’t cheap.  Each treatment lasts about 2 hours and requires that I sit in a treatment room with other patients.  I seem to go at the same time each week as these two older men – both in their late 70′s.  They are both “good ol’ boys” who are polite to me, and engage me in simple conversation.  But, like the flip of a light switch, they stop including me in the conversation if they are talking about “important” things like the oil and gas business, or investments.  Whatever.

The other day we got on the topic of gays.  Not a great topic of discussion between two men from a different time and a fag hag.

As soon as the subtle bashing began by one of them, I jumped into the discussion.  Then, as if on cue, the typical phrase tumbled out of his mouth:

“I don’t have a problem with gays.  I just don’t like it when they shove my face in it.” (In other words, he is okay with gays as long as they stay in the closet.)

“Wow.  Have you ever personally had your face shoved in it?”  I ask.

“Well, yes.” He stuttered.  “When they flaunt it.”

“You mean when they don’t hide their homosexuality?”

“No.  When they march.  And things like that,”  he grumbles.

“Like when they are asking for equal treatment and equal rights?”  I ask with a smile.

“Yes.” He admits.

“So, you feel that when they ask for equality, they are flaunting their homosexuality and shoving your face in it,”  I confirm, sure he will see the ridiculousness of this statement when he hears it repeated.    I was quickly disappointed.

“Well.  Uh.  Hmmm,” He stammers,  “I don’t care if they have equal rights, but I don’t think they should be able to get married.”

(Huh?)

“How is that equal?” I ask sweetly.

“Marriage is a special thing and I think it needs to be protected, so it stays in tact.” He says, avoiding the question.

“Oh, like the heterosexuals have done?”  I ask, feigning innocence.

“Well, no.  We have screwed it up,” he admits.

“Uh-huh.”

“I don’t care if they stay together, as long as they don’t call it a marriage.  A marriage is a very specific definition.  It is between a man and a woman.”  (I didn’t bother to remind him that marriage used to only be between a white man and a white woman –  that the marriage between two blacks wasn’t honored for a very long time, and that blacks and whites couldn’t legally marry each other until as recently as the late 6o’s.)

“So, if they make up their own word, you are okay with it, but you think people will get confused if they use the word marriage, since marriage is between a man and woman.” I am almost sure he will see the silliness of pretending that this issue is about  word choice.   I was disappointed again.

“Right,”  he says, with both pride in his stance, and relief that the discussion is over.

What is confusing,  is this man’s logic.

A quick recap:
He doesn’t have a problem with gays, as long as they don’t bother him by asking for equal rights.  Furthermore, he doesn’t mind if they have equal rights, as long as marching, getting married, asking for equal rights, and actually having equal rights isn’t involved.  And, they can get “married,” as long as they don’t call it getting married, because that would be downright confusing.  Lastly, the best way to protect marriage is NOT to deal with our high rate of divorce, as one might think, but rather to have gays come up with their own word for marriage, so our marriage “stays in tact”.

Got it.