Justice For All

To the Cop who gave me a ticket.  Yep, I was guilty.  But, the story I told you to explain why I was guilty was the truth.  Even if it seems far fetched.  Even if you hear crazy stories all the time.

By the way, I have seen you several times since you gave me a ticket.  Seriously, you are going to get whiplash trying to see every. single. inspection. sticker.  And another thing, your ticketed drivers filled up the court room, and that just represents those of us who requested a court date.  You are doing your job.

To the clerk who scheduled my court appearance:  I TOLD you I can’t move well that early in the morning.  I wasn’t lying.  Or exaggerating.  If you had a choice between scheduling my hearing at 8:00 am and 9:00 am, why the hell didn’t you schedule me for 9:00am?

But most importantly:

To the BIOTCH at court who answered the phone this morning at 8:15am:

when I told you I was supposed to be there at 8:00am, but I could not physically get there because I was in excruciating pain, I was telling the truth.  When I told you I needed a disability accommodation to allow me to arrive at 9:00am, I meant it.  I don’t pull the disability card often.  When you responded rudely by saying “Your late,” it made me wonder if you have a hearing problem.  No.  You have a LISTENING problem.  I told YOU I was late in the first sentence of our conversation.

When I told you I was waiting for my pain meds to kick in, you told me again “YOUR LATE”.  Yep, I got that already.  In fact, we have brought that out in the open three times during this conversation and we have only been talking for 30 seconds.  Two questions:  Are you a broken record, and can we move past announcing my tardiness, because there is no medication that will make dealing with you any more pleasant.

When you told me I needed to come up there and ask for a continuance and be on time next time, I realized you don’t get it.  And, I can’t make you get it anymore than you can make my body cooperate at eight in the morning. I CAN’T WALK THAT EARLY IN THE MORNING WITHOUT SERIOUS PAIN AND SUFFERING.  Don’t you think if I could make the pain go away on command that I might have done it by now?

When I sarcastically said “Thank you for your compassion” and hung up, I was holding back.  Trust me.  And I know you have untold power over me because you work for the Judicial System, but seriously, honey, I dare you to arrest me.  It is my understanding that jail-time brings three hots and a cot.  And medical treatment.  Ha!  You’d be releasing me faster than a greased pig on a Jewish holiday.